Everyday Judaism · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH in Houston, Texas. This is the Everyday Judaism Podcast.

Welcome back everybody. Good morning. Good morning. Frigid morning. You're all here. It's amazing. It's such a huge blessing that even in sub 32 degrees, everyone's here. It's amazing. It's so beautiful. We are beginning Siman Mem Beis 42. Siman 42. The laws of proper conduct for a meal. Now we've mentioned previously, we talked about the laws of breaking bread, of the blessing of hamotzi.
Now we're continuing to talk about the laws of the meal. And mi sheyesh lo behemos ha'ofos, one who has animals or a fowl, shemenezon ha'sem olav, and he is responsible for feeding them. It is forbidden to eat anything until you give them food. This is a mitzvah in the Torah. So the verse states, The verse in the Torah states as follows, Scholars, scholars, what do we know about the Torah? There's nothing random in the Torah.
Why does the Torah say feed your animal before it says feed you? We see that the verse, that in this verse, the Torah precedes mention of the animal's food before mention of mankind's food. Okay, so we see that you have to feed your animal. If you have a dog, you have a cat, you have a bird, whatever animal you have that are dependent on your feeding them, you're obligated, you're not allowed to eat food until you feed your animals. However, regarding drinking,
mankind, a person comes first. As the verse states regarding Eliezer, when he was being, when Rivka was giving him food, it says, And then your animals will give to drink. So we learned from that, that when it comes to drinking, mankind comes first. This can likewise be learned from that which is written, And you shall give drink to the assembly and to their animals. When it comes to drinking, mankind comes first. When it comes to eating, animals come first.
Now we continue to halacha number two. A person should not eat or drink in a gluttonous manner. A person should not eat while standing. A person shouldn't drink while standing. And a person's table should be clean when they eat. And covered nicely. Even if he has nothing to eat, only but something which is insignificant. A person should not hold a large quantity of food that is larger than the size of an egg in his hand. And eat directly from your hand.
And tear with the other hand. A person shouldn't drink wine with one gulp. If a person does, that is considered a glutton. Drinking by lifting a cup twice, bringing it to his mouth, this is a proper manner. But if a person takes a drink by lifting his cup three times, drinking a small amount each time, this is considered haughty, it's considered arrogant. If not, these classifications hold true unless, if it's a very large cup, then it makes sense.
He can drink it even several times. So to a very, very small cup, then he can drink it with one gulp. It's a little shot glass that you can drink with one gulp. It's amazing to see how, when we talk about the laws of proper, of how to eat a meal properly, it tells us about the midos. It tells us about how to eat properly. I want to share with you an incredible story that I have shared before.
And it's something that I'm so proud of that I need to talk about it. So let's talk about this. So firstly is that I believe that Kiddush, you know, Kiddush that we have in synagogue, Shabbos morning, where they put out a beautiful spread of food and we wait for the rabbi to make Kiddush. So it's one of my pet peeves. I don't like when people grab the food before the rabbi makes Kiddush. Don't touch the food. The food's not going to run away.
But people eat with their eyes and they put everything on their plate. And then, as you know, most people leave half of their plate and it's wasting. It's wasteful. And I think that it's also, it's a person who perhaps is uncontrollable to their urges. Just take it easy. So I've talked this with my children many times. I said, before the rabbi makes Kiddush, you don't touch anything, nothing. Don't even touch the plate. There's no need to take a plate.
The rabbi makes Kiddush, then you can touch the food. Okay. So one Shabbos, I'm in Shul, we finished Avening, everyone goes to the Kiddush room and we're waiting for the rabbi to come in and to recite the Kiddush on the wine. And my children know, I don't touch anything till the rabbi makes Kiddush. And out of the corner of my eye, I see my son is well positioned right in front of the tray of babka, the chocolate babka.
And he is eyeing his pieces, but he knows it's not appropriate to take before the rabbi recites the Kiddush. Now, everybody else does. They have their own character measure. But we're not judging anybody else, but this is our thing. This is our Mishagas. So fine. So I see him from, I don't show him, he doesn't see that I see him at all, my son. And he is just like, you can see the temptation going through his veins, through his eyes.
And he's looking at those delicious pieces of babka that are slowly being taken off the tray, put onto people's plates. And the rabbi finally walks in to recite the Kiddush. And there are about three pieces left on the tray. And the rabbi picks up his glass and another piece of the babka is taken. And now there's only two pieces left. And the rabbi begins the blessing. And he starts reciting the verses and another piece is taken. There's just one more piece left.
And my son is looking around and he's hoping that nobody else is going to take away that last piece of cake that's left. And finally, And someone takes that last piece of cake. And you can see his face of like despair, of disappointment. And I was beaming with joy, with pride. What an incredible avodah. What an incredible work of character. You know something's wrong. You know something you shouldn't do. But you're going to lose out.
You're not going to have a piece of cake. And now like you, you know, what's going to be? And you still don't do it. No matter what. This is a child of unbelievable character. So he didn't see that I saw. He didn't see that I saw that entire struggle. And later on, we had our meal at our home with all of our guests. And I said, before we begin, I need to make an announcement. And I told him of the story.
And I said, after Shabbos, I'm going to take my son to the store and buy him an entire babka. An entire babka for himself. He deserves such a reward. And sure enough, I picked him up from school on Monday morning. Took him to the store. Bought him a babka. And of course he shared it with all of his class. And I don't even know if he had a single piece left after. But it was a tremendous, tremendous sign of self-control.
And I think of a really incredible character. Very, very proud of my son that he was able to withstand that challenge. But I think that this story can give us a little bit of an insight as to how we should be in control of our gluttonous tendencies. You see, sometimes we just want to grab the food. Halacha tells us, take it easy. Food's not going to run away. It's a proper way to eat. It's a proper way.
You know, my rabbi would always talk about this, that you have to have something called nechbadus. A self-respect. A self-respect. Imagine if you have... Has anyone ever seen a picture of the Queen of England eating food? Never. You will never find a single picture of the Queen of England. Why? Because it's undignified for her to eat in front of a camera. Food is a very intimate thing. You don't eat in front of the cameras. She eats in private.
There are no cameras allowed. No one should see how she's eating. My rabbi says that we need to carry ourselves like royalty. He says, never to eat with your hands. So a guy, one of the students, one of the rabbinic students says, but rabbi, pizza! How do you eat pizza without your hands? It's impossible. Got to fold the pizza, enjoy the pizza, right? He says, eat it with a knife and fork. He says, yeah, but you can't eat pizza with a knife and fork.
He says, so don't eat it. A person has to know. Okay, now you have to know where you are, you have to know who you are, but to just give ourselves an idea of what it means to be dignified, to eat in a proper fashion, to eat... People, when they go to the restaurant, then they make sure that they're all prim and proper. But even a person themselves, alone, in their home, should eat with proper dignity.
Not because I'm in front of other people. For myself! Because I'm a human being, a creation of God. I think that's also part of the halacha here. It's not only about what you eat that it be kosher, but the way in which you eat, to have a proper, dignified fashion of eating. The halacha number three says, A person should not bite into a piece of bread and put it down onto the table directly. Or give it to his fellow. Or into a serving dish.
Because maybe it's repulsive to someone else. Meaning, be considerate of other people. And don't drink from a cup and then give it to someone else to drink. Because every person should take care not to drink from what is left of a cup from what his fellow man drank. And this person to whom he is giving the cup may, due to the embarrassment involved in refusing the cup, he might drink it. And it may be repulsive to another person.
A person has to be very conscientious and very thoughtful to someone else. It's not so appropriate for a person to just share your cup. And this, by the way, when you're in someone else's home and they make kiddush, the host who recites the kiddush should drink from a different cup and shouldn't share everyone a little bit of the wine from kiddush from the same cup that he drank. Pour it into a different cup and drink from that cup.
And then share the wine with others from a different cup. Lo yehei odon kapten b'sudaseh A person should not have a severe attitude at his meals. Ki ha'orchim u'bnei habais misbaishim ozlecho Because then the guests and the members of the household will be reluctant to eat. A person is so upset. He's so irate about something. And no one's going to want to eat. No one's going to have an appetite. And is annoyed by their eating. So a person has to be careful.
By the way, that's not a healthy way to eat. Not like you're just worried and concerned. A person should always make it that the meal be with a pleasantness and there should be a friendly, loving environment where everyone is eating. Ein missichim b'suda A lot of what we're saying here, by the way, today with modern medicine, they say that it is dangerous to eat food that is not clean. So that already the halacha addressed. Don't have a clean table.
Eating, you stop at a rest stop. Put your food down on that table. Oh, it's disgusting. You have no idea what was there. Right? A person, all of the things that we learn today of being sanitary is what the halacha was concerned about thousands of years ago. But additionally, many people talk while they're eating. Ein missichim b'suda The halacha says, do not converse while eating during a meal. Afilu b'divri toru Even words of Torah. Mipnei ha'sakona
Because there is a danger involved. Shema yakdim kona leveshet Lest the food enter the windpipe instead of the esophagus. It's dangerous. V'afilu mishnis atesh Even one who sneezes Ossor lo'ma lo'suso It's forbidden to say Tzugzunt To good health. Nazdorovia Whatever it is. Labriyut Whatever a person says after someone sneezes, person should be very, very careful with food in your mouth. It could be very dangerous. Avol shlobash ha'sakhil If it's not while you're actually eating.
Mitzvah lo'mar alashukh On the Torah When you're not eating. When you're not with food in your mouth. It is a mitzvah to recite words of Torah at the meal. V'ishlizor b'zem'od A person should be very, very careful about this. U'mino k'tov It is a proper custom. Lo'mar achra achilas prusas ha'motzi To recite after eating the piece of bread upon which the ha'motzi blessing was recited. Mizmo le'dov et ha'shem ro'i lo'echsor To recite chapter 23 in Psalms which King David says
A Psalm by David Ha'shem is my shepherd. I shall not lack. Shehu Torah Because that constitutes words of Torah. V'gam tfil'al mizonosav And also the prayer for one's sustenance is also a word of Torah. V'l'achag marasu That after the conclusion of the meal before reciting the grace after meal No'a g'lomar b'chol al-naras b'avel It is proper to say the Psalm Psalm 137 On the rivers of Babylon Hu b'shabas v'yom tov V'chol ha'yom she'ein omer b'hem tachnun
And on Shabbos and Yom Tov And all the days that we don't recite special supplications And al-naras b'avel is not recited Omrim shir ha'malos b'shuv ha'shem It is proper to say chapter 126 We recite a song of ascent When Hashem will return Eshiv ha'stion to Zion V'ki'shalomid al ha'shulchon mitoch ha'sefer When one studies by the table From a book You read a D'var Torah You read something to share with Those who are around the table with you Tzorech la'hashgiyach me'od
Ki'shgiyach li'os basfaram tolo hamk'tanim He says be very vigilant Because it's common At least in the olden days That there were small worms In these books The paper isn't like the paper we have today Special treated paper It used to be that they were Wormified V'yu'chal la'vol li'dei Yisrochas v'Shalom And then those worms can go on your table It can get on your food And heaven forbid be a prohibition That one violates Halacha number six Sh'naim sh'yosh van'al sh'nochon
Two people that are sitting at a table And eating a meal Afilu kol echot ka'or sh'lo l'fanov Even if each has their own dish Their own plate in front of them O'mi ne'peros Or they have fruits in front of them Sh'yesh lo kol echot chelko l'fanov Mikol mokom ha'godo poshet yodo t'chilo It is proper For the more prominent one of the two To eat first You wait V'hasholech yodo b'fnei Mi she'godo me'mena ha're'ze gargaron
And one who reaches out for the food Before the more prominent one Is considered a glutton This is a general rule That we see now in halacha But it's proper etiquette You don't eat before the leader of Before the host You're served food You wait for the host I think this is It's proper halachically But it's also proper etiquette You don't eat before the host eats Right So I remember when I came to To my in-laws
And I was engaged And it was Friday night I'm there for the first time With the family With my wife's family And my father-in-law looks at me He says, is everything okay? I said, everything's great He says, so why aren't you eating? I said, because you didn't start eating yet He says, what do you mean? I said, I'm not eating before you eat And he says, okay So he started eating quickly He says, okay, now you can eat
And that since then became the thing Like my father-in-law He's still cutting up the challah Friday night He's still taking his time Everyone's getting settled in I wouldn't touch the food Till the master Till the head of the table Till the host eats This is appropriate conduct And a person should be very cautious Even if you're eating with someone else A person who is more prominent And that could be prominence of age Prominence of wisdom
That person should begin eating first If two people are eating from one dish And one of them stopped eating Momentarily to take a drink So he stopped for a second to take a drink Or to do something It is proper for the second person To wait for him Don't continue eating So for example This happens many times You're eating in a restaurant with people And your food comes out first For whatever reason It's my luck I don't know why
Whenever I'm in a restaurant They bring me my food first I'm like I can't eat it first Because you got to wait for everybody To get their food It's not nice I'm done before everyone gets their food That wouldn't be appropriate However If there are three people eating from one dish And one of them paused momentarily The two do not need to stop For the one who stopped Very interesting halachas Teaching us the proper etiquette
Of how one should conduct themselves When eating a meal You're eating a meal with other people Have a moment of patience Eat together with the other person Don't eat because you're hungry Because you want to eat When the other person's food Either hasn't been served Or they take a break from eating for a minute You take a break as well It should be together There's something special About eating a meal together A very dear friend of mine
He said he loves to go for lunch with people I said why? It takes so much time He says but you always see Throughout the history of the Torah That when people ate together It was a time of bonding It was a time of closeness of connection Eating a meal with someone Is something very special It's a time of developing A close relationship with that person So utilize it Not to just eat Oh I got my free meal
Because they're treating me No It's a time to bond And to develop a close relationship Yeah over the food The food is just the sustenance For our body But it's more than just that It's a bond and a bridge Between people Not only is destroying food Forbidden in the Torah Because the Torah tells us That a person should not A person is not allowed To destroy food It is also forbidden To act in a way
That denigrates the gift Of food that Hashem Has bestowed upon us The following four seifim Discuss the parameters Of these two prohibitions Number one A person may use bread For his needs However this permit Applies only That he does not render The bread now to be repulsive He's going to ruin the bread If the bread becomes repulsive And nobody wants To eat the bread now Then a person should not Do something with their bread
Now what does that mean? You know sometimes people Make designs out of bread People make today out of food They make unbelievable designs I remember we had once A program We had someone Make a torch logo Out of a watermelon Right? It's really special I can show you the picture It really is special It has a beautiful thing But I made sure I said But the entire watermelon Needs to be eaten It's nice that they made
The green part The outside of the Of the watermelon Into a logo But the rest of the Food should be eaten It shouldn't be wasted It's not a hobby It's not a toy Food is a gift from Hashem A person needs to Deal with food In a proper fashion Therefore One should not Not support a dish With bread If the dish is filled With an item Because if that thing Tips over So for example
Soup Don't put soup Next to your bread The soup is going to spill It's going to make It's going to spill on the bread And then no one's going to Want to eat the bread It's going to make it Repulsive You know soggy bread Is not delicious When one is eating Any cooked food With pieces of bread And now The bread Is in place of A spoon You know sometimes You use bread as like
A scooper People do this today For hummus Right Those of you who love Hummus Like I do So you use bread As like a scoop For the Right So listen to this A person has to be Very cautious To eat a little bit And every time You scoop With the bread To eat a little bit Of bread with it And anything that Remains of the bread To make sure you eat
All of the bread So that means Don't use Bread is the Greatest gift It's the highest level Of our blessings Of food Because it takes The most work To create bread Is an 11 step process Of making bread From the plowing To the You know From the You know From the plowing All the way For the Flour To grow And the winnowing And the grinding And everything The entire process
Of making Kneading And baking All of it Is Is part of the Process of making bread It's a very Very holy And dignified Food And we need to Deal with it We need to Handle it Appropriately as well Halacha number 9 It is forbidden To throw bread Even in a way That does not Render it Undesirable Or repulsive You're throwing It somewhere And you just Flip the bread
Now there's some Because the Act of throwing It In itself Is a degradation Of the bread Regarding other foods The halacha is If they are rendered Repulsive By being thrown Also You're not Allowed to Throw them So for example Some people Like to Throw food up And catch it In their mouth Very skilled Very talented But you What happens If it falls On the ground
You take a grape And you throw it And you catch it Great Everyone's like It splatters And becomes Disgusting And now it's Inedible So now you just Wasted food That would be a Biblical prohibition So a person Should be very careful About that Also That is forbidden To throw them But if for example An orange An orange You throw an orange I remember there was A question Something you may
Not have known About me We mentioned Before going live We mentioned About my childhood I used to Ride a unicycle I used to ride I used to Juggle Juggle fire On a unicycle Either way But the question Always came up Are you allowed to Juggle Food Are you allowed To juggle food Well here the Halacha says If By it falling It would become Repulsive It would get ruined
So then you can't do it So an apple That falls Becomes dented And it's like An orange On the other hand Maybe you are Allowed to Okay Because it still has a shell It doesn't necessarily Get ruined In the process If it were to fall Okay But a person should Still be Cautious But in the case We're like Nuts Nuts If a nut Falls on the floor It's not getting ruined
It still has a casing It has a shell So in such a case That would be okay For one to throw Low Yesh Low A person should not Sit on a sack That contains fruits Because now they become Repulsive By someone Sitting on them A person should not Wash his hands With wine Or with any other beverage Because it's a degradation To the beverage When a person Sees a food
Lying on the ground You must pick it up You see food on the ground It's a degradation To the food The food doesn't have feelings We already learned this About the challah The challah is teaching us To have sensitivity We cover the challah When we recite the Kiddush Why? Because we don't want to Embarrass the challah The challah is going to get hurt It's going to get insulted Challah doesn't have feelings True We do
We need to learn To have sensitivity For the food around us For the things The human beings Around us As well Food that is fit To be eaten By humanity By mankind Should not be fed To animals Because such an action Would be a denigration To the food If a person needs The bread For medicinal purposes Or any other types Of food That are used For medicinal purposes Even if it becomes
Repulsive And now you're not Going to be able To eat that food Whatever is left over Still Because it's for Medical purposes It is permitted A person should be Very careful With breadcrumbs That a person Should not Throw them To a place Where they will be This is a known thing One may however Discard such crumbs Into water Since They would not Be put In a position Of being trampled
Or degraded Some authorities Forbid The discarding Of an amount of crumbs That is equal to Kazaeus Which is about 0.6 To 1.1 Fluid ounces Of bread Even when they're Not being trampled Since this action Of stepping on bread Very, very powerful Has a negative effect Of causing poverty If one steps on crumbs Rather One should gather them together And give them To birds Right You see crumbs on the floor
Don't step on them Don't step on crumbs Why Because it has a negative effect Of causing Poverty Poverty But rather Should turn their face To the side Before drinking But with regard To other beverages One does not need To turn their face To the side One should not Steer into the face Of one who is eating And drinking Nor add his portion That is in front of him Not to embarrass them
Don't look at Someone else's plate Don't look at Someone else's face And halacha number 14 And we'll stop here Any food or drink That is served Before a person That produces A savory aroma And the person craves it The person should Immediately give a bite Into the food To the server Because The saliva That comes up Is damaging To a person Is harmful to a person Someone desires it And they crave it
And they aren't able To eat it And he does not eat it So if there's A very delicious Piece of food Something that's really Has a savory aroma It gets served And people are salivating A person should Take a bite from it Because It's an amazing thing That the body Produces the saliva That is required For every food That's eaten Because that's the Beginning process Of the body's Digestion system Already the saliva
Begins it And if a person Is not supposed to Swallow that saliva A person should be Very careful about that One should not Give anyone To eat Unless he knows About him That he will Wash his hands If it is bread And recite the blessing Upon the food Okay? So this concludes Today's section Of Semen number 42 Next week God willing We will conclude The rest of the semen From 16
To halacha number 24 I believe it is To halacha number 23 To halacha number 23 So God willing Next week We will resume this And now we are going To turn the floor To the ask away segment Of our everyday Judaism podcast Where You Each of you My friends Can ask your questions Any question And I will do my best To answer them And It's ask away Number 30
My dear friends Thank you so much For joining us We look forward to Seeing you In the next broadcast.

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