Everyday Judaism · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, texas. This is the Ask Away series on the Everyday Judaism podcast. To have your questions answered on future episodes, please email askaway at torchweborg. Now ask away.

00:21 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody. All right, welcome back everybody. Welcome back to the Ask Away series number 21 from the Everyday Judaism podcast. It's so wonderful to be here with everyone. Welcome to our new guests here. We hope you have some great questions for us. Stump the Rabbi, let's go. Ed, you have the microphone in front of you, let's go.

00:42 - Ed S. (Caller)
You said that when you're washing either the meat or the chicken, when it's in that bowl, you can't use that you know the chicken or the bowl for anything else. What if the bowl is glass, something that cannot absorb?

00:55 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Okay.

00:55
So that's a great question. We're going to talk about it further. In the halachas we only went through half of the simen in our episode on the laws of salting meat, and that's what you're referring to, because the people who are here don't know, who are listening to this when it comes out, don't know. So you go back to the Everyday Judaism podcast on the laws of salting, part one. We discussed the process of salting our chicken and our meat before we prepare it and before we eat it, because the Torah prohibits the consumption of blood of an animal or blood of a human. By the way, you're not allowed to eat blood. If you have a cut, by the way, in your finger, you can't lick the blood. You got to wash it off and be very careful. Blood, it said.

01:38
The Torah says the soul is in the blood. It's very interesting. I don't know if this is right or wrong. It might be total heresy, so don't stone me please, but I think if you look, go to a doctor, you're not feeling well. What do they do? They take blood work. They take a blood test and they have many different panels of blood tests. They can take Everything is in the blood, everything.

02:01
They can identify everything from the blood is in the blood. Everything. They can identify everything from the blood. It's such an amazing wisdom that Hashem embedded within us. Our blood tells us not only our DNA, not only our DNA, not only so many characteristics of us. A woman wants to know if she's pregnant Blood test you want to know if you have a high white blood cell count. Everything is in there. Everything is telling you based on the blood. So ki adamu anefesh is sort of the whole human being is by the blood, you can. You know the whole.

02:36
Now, that being the case, it's not something that we eat. I don't know that. That's the reason for it, but the Torah tells us very clearly not to eat any blood and therefore we're very, very cautious before buying meat or chicken to ensure that it's kosher. Kosher means and if you look at the certification, it'll say that it was soaked and it was salted and it was rinsed according to the dictates of the Torah. Rinsed according to the dictates of the Torah. Okay, just as a reminder, the Torah in the written law. We've gone through this, we went through this many, many times In the written law. The Torah tells us what to do, not how to do. Torah says so. How do we ever eat meat? Well, moshe learned it from the Almighty and passed it down generation to generation until it was actually written in the Mishnah and then elaborated on in the Talmud and then put into a code of Jewish law, first by Maimonides, by the Rambam and then further in the Shulchan Aruch, and it continues to be more and more explained to us in every single generation. Just a very, very simple thing to remember.

03:51
Okay, rabbis are not allowed to make up laws. Rabbis are not allowed to make up rules. They're not allowed to. It is some. There are only seven laws that are rabbinic in nature, like washing our hands, like lighting Shabbos candles. Those are rabbinic laws. Everything else is directly from the Torah, and even those rabbinic laws are all sourced in the Torah. So we have to remember that the rabbis cannot make up any laws. Everything needs to be sourced in the Torah. And every time we study here in our torch classes, in all of our different things that we study, even when we talk about character traits, we talk about anger, we bring verses from Psalms, from Proverbs. We bring verses that pack up what we're saying. You can't just say things, you have to have your verification for it in a verse in the Torah. Okay, so I hope I answered your question, ed. We're going to get back to it whether or not glass and all the different types of things. We're going to get into that a little later. You have a follow-up.

04:55 - David Z. (Caller)
You were touching up a little bit on the neck and I guess so that's how they kill for kosher. So if it's specifically the neck and we're going back thousands of years when there was still hunting going on, you know, and the jewish people in israel were hunting, how did they kill, say, a deer, which is not really a farmed animal too much, you know? I mean you can farm it, but and did they have to be like so perfect where they hit it in the neck always, so it could be a kosher animal? I mean, you know, treat it as kosher, or what did they do?

05:31 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So I'm going to disagree with your premise. The premise is that they would go hunting. They didn't go hunting. Hunting is not a Jewish trait, it's not a Jewish activity. Hunting is not. What they would do is they would get the animal in a confined area so that they can slaughter it properly. But we don't hunt. Esau, the brother of Jacob, as we'll see in a few portions from now, he was a hunter. It's not the way the children of Jacob act. The children of Jacob don't hunt. Now, now there are people who hunt for sport.

06:06
It's not so simple that it's permitted halachically according to the Torah, because again, that kind of killing of the animal is going to cause tremendous pain to that animal and we mentioned previously, you're not allowed to cause pain to an animal, definitely not for our sport. Now, if it's an animal that's causing, for example, even a, a little cockroach we're in Houston, right? People see it all the time. So causing unnecessary pain to an animal is not necessary. You can kill it. I tell my children, if it's in our house our house is where we live Outside the house. Don't kill it. That's its place Inside the house. That's where we live Outside the house. Don't kill it. That's its place Inside the house. That's where we live. It shouldn't be here Outside the house. That's where it lives. What are you killing it for? Let it live where it needs to live. Okay, so just so you understand.

06:56
Now, with regard to slaughtering an animal, there's a very regarding the. You said the hunting of the animal. There's a very regarding the. You said the hunting of the animal. So we remember, if you remember the verses back when Jacob received the blessings that were quote meant for Asaph, his brother, and Asaph brought his father food. How can his father, jacob, eat food? So they say, or sages tell us that Asaph was such an incredible hunter. He knew how to hunt and perfectly kill the deer or whatever animal he was bringing for his father in a way that would slaughter the animal properly. But that takes a special art, someone who's able to do that. I don't know that anybody today has that kind of skill. But yeah, I wouldn't mess with Ed, that's true.

07:45
But yes, one second, let's get the microphone. But I hope I answered your question. Yes, we're not allowed to hunt animals. Now there is in the laws of Shabbos. We know that you're not allowed to trap an animal. Why would they need to trap an animal. Because they need to trap the animal because that's going to be their dinner next week, right? You can't do that on Shabbos. You cannot trap an animal. You can't. So if it randomly walks into your pen and then you just want to slow close the door, you can't do that on Shabbos. You can't do that on Shabbos. Okay, that's. I hope that answers your question.

08:22 - Bruce S. (Caller)
Rabbi didn't Esau. The reason why he was such a great hunter was because he had the clothes that Adam, that God made for Adam, that had a scent, that brought the animals to him that he got from killing Nimrod.

08:39 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yeah, okay, so you're getting into a lot of the midrashic things in the background of the story, but, yes, indeed, but still animals still don't. You can today, look at hunters, and I have a very, very dear friend of mine who's a hunter. He asked me many times to come and try to explain that. You know it's not something that we really typically do, and so I've never gone yet to his ranch to hunt. I still need to get verification from my rabbi whether or not it's suitable for what I'd like to consider myself a God-fearing Jew, so I'm not sure that that's the right thing for me to do.

09:13
But either way, they put out bait for the animals. They put out things. It doesn't necessarily bring them. So, you know, they sometimes have to sit there and wait for six, seven hours till they get the perfect shot right Till they're, you know, and they don't want to just hit the animal, they want to make sure that it's a kill, a kill shot. So it can sometimes take a long time. They didn't have that gift from that Ace of Inherited from Adam.

09:42 - Bruce S. (Caller)
Yes, I have a separate question. I read, now that we're on Koshering, I read that the maw is given to the Kohanim, if I'm not wrong. What is a maw? What part of the cow is the maw? Oh, I have no idea.

10:02 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I have to look into it. I have no idea.

10:03 - Bruce S. (Caller)
Yeah, I can't figure it out. I think it has something to do with part of the job, but I'm not sure.

10:09 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I'll look into it. I don't know.

10:11 - Bruce S. (Caller)
I would appreciate it, because I just wonder about it.

10:14 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I don't know. I have to look into it. We're going to continue with the next question. I don't have the answer. It's a good question. I'll look into it. I don't have the answer.

10:24 - Eliana S. (Caller)
It's a good question. I'll look into it. You had mentioned that if you cut the chicken that you have to redo it so that those surfaces are rinsed and salted properly.

10:39 - Bruce S. (Caller)
You have to re-rinse it, because there might be blood there.

10:40 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So you always have to make sure, before you salt it, that all the surfaces have been washed, soaked properly, so that now they can be salted.

10:48 - Eliana S. (Caller)
My question, then, is now, when we buy our chicken and it's already kashered. When I make chicken I'll take the breast and I'll slice it in half to make it thin. I sit in half to make it thin. It's still okay then, after it's all.

11:06 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yeah, once it is salted and you buy it with that kosher certification on it, you don't have to worry about it anymore. Nothing, it doesn't need to be re-salted. All of the blood has been extracted. Again, if you do see some of that red liquid in that packaging, it is not blood. Okay, it is not blood. I spoke to people who work in the meat poultry industry and they said that they pour like some type of. Maybe it's a chemical or something that keeps the meat and the chicken fresh. So it's not. It may look reddish and we like right away assume oh, it has to be blood. It's not blood, okay. Again, it's worthwhile for us to invest. It's an amazing thing. We talk about kosher food, kosher meat, kosher chicken and sometimes people tell me Rabbi, but why do I have to spend the extra money?

11:59 - Bruce S. (Caller)
for the kosher.

12:00 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So here's the amazing thing is that if a doctor said, buy organic because it's healthier, oh, we run to Whole Foods and we pay $26 for a box of cereal and there's no evidence for it, right? I believe it was the New York Times that did a survey of 150 different research labs. They couldn't find a single benefit, not a single proven medical benefit, for organic food. But people are rushing and Whole Foods is making a whole ton of money because some doctor said that organic is better for you. But if God, creator of heaven and earth, tells us to eat kosher food, oh, it's so expensive, I can't right. And what is it? It's a dollar or two more to pay the rabbi to kasha the chicken for us.

12:46
So I think we should realize what a tremendous gift it is that we have the Torah. We're privileged to have the instruction manual of how to live an enriched life, a life that brings our bond with Hashem even closer. That's what we're looking for. The Torah gives us the opportunity to become closer with the Almighty. Okay, okay, okay, one second. That's true. You can't believe everything that's written in the New York Times. That's right. Yes, I'm sorry.

13:15 - Eliana S. (Caller)
I'd be interested in finding out what this particular substance is, that if we see the red, I'll ask you know what I mean.

13:24 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yeah, yeah, if you see it in your packaging, what is it really? Yeah, right, I don't know what it is. I don't, I don't know what it is. I will ask around, uh again and find out what it is it's not like formaldehyde no, no, not formaldehyde, not formal. You got a question, okay um, my sister owns chickens.

13:41 - Rikki L. (Caller)
She has like probably 20 chickens um. I wanted to know is she allowed to slaughter them and eat them?

13:48 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
you mean as a female or as a owner of chickens? Or chickens, oh definitely, of course, she can even though it's the lazy eggs.

13:58 - Rikki L. (Caller)
And let's say, because she had a chicken, it was sick and then she, she slaughtered it, like she killed it, and then I asked her, like can you like cut it up? And then like eat it? And she's like no, because it was sick, she couldn't like eat it.

14:15 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Correct. So that's correct. So we have to make sure that an animal not only is a kosher species like, let's say, a chicken, so it's a kosher species. It doesn't mean that every chicken is kosher. We check the chicken after to ensure that it wasn't sick, because we don't want to eat that sickness. We don't want to eat that illness. We don't want to eat whatever that cancer was that the animal may have had, or the broken limbs or whatever it may be that now makes this food unclean for us. So we want to ensure that not only before that it's a kosher species. By the way, before they slaughter it, they make it walk a little bit so that they see that it's not limping, but you can see an animal that's not healthy.

14:56 - Rikki L. (Caller)
If it's 100% okay, then she can slaughter it and eat it 100%.

15:01 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yes, if it's a healthy animal, then again, it's still. They'll check it. It should be checked to ensure that it doesn't have any broken limbs, that it doesn't have a lung that's punctured or something like that. Yeah, it's very, very important to make sure that the animal is inspected. It's not enough for it to be a kosher species. Animal is inspected. It's not enough for it to be a kosher species. I'll tell you, here in Houston there was a slaughtering of kosher animals that Rabbi Ya'kobin and his congregation, tor V'Chesed, excuse me. They bring in a shochet once or twice a year and they do it. It's like a whole community event to learn about it and you know it's a great learning opportunity. Perhaps we'll go as a class together and we'll see it as well, but I remember that the animal after it was slaughtered, again it's a mitzvah to slaughter the animal. It's a mitzvah to eat meat that is kosher and again, there's a process for it.

16:02
But after they slaughtered the animal, they checked if it was kosher and it was not a kosher ant. It was not kosher. Why was it not kosher? Because it had an illness they were able to see. You can see the. I don't want to gore you and our viewers online. You know this is like a child-friendly, but it was. You could see that it was.

16:21
There was a cancer there and the shokhet called me and I don't like that gory stuff so much. So he said here, take a glove, put on a glove. He said, put your hand in and feel. And I couldn't get through it. I couldn't get through it because there were these like tendons or stuff. He says that's not supposed to be there, that's cancer. This animal had cancer and therefore it's not suitable for our kosher tables. So it's important to ensure that the animal is a kosher type of animal, it's slaughtered properly and that after you check it and of course, as we're discussing in our Everyday Judaism podcast, the salting needs to be done. You need to soak it, you need to salt it, you need to rinse it. Salting needs to be done. You need to soak it, you need to salt it, you need to rinse it. The process needs to be done properly. But you also need to check to ensure that there was no deformities, that there were no other type of illnesses in that animal. Because it's a great question. All right, welcome, Ricky. Any other questions?

17:20 - Rikki L. (Caller)
One more. It doesn't have to be by the way you can ask anything.

17:24 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
It doesn't have to be about this topic.

17:28 - Rikki L. (Caller)
Also before Yom Kippur, my brother-in-law he took the caparros from the center and he also koshered it and everything. And then on the first day of Sukkot he cooked the heart and I'm like, is the heart kosher? I'm like, how come the heart is kosher? Is it kosher, the heart?

17:50 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I don't really know. I don't know, I don't. I'm sure it is. Well, the liver we know is kosher, but again, it's very specific in how the liver, because the liver is soaked with blood. So there's a process in how that's done Right. So I don't know, I honestly don't know. I'll have to look into it.

18:13
But just so that people can understand what you were talking about, kaparos is the process of atonement. Kaparo means an atonement, and what people do before the holiday of Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, is that they take a chicken and they a male or female, male for male, female for female, and what they do is they take this chicken, put it over their heads and say that this or any sins that I have, instead of punishing me, let it be in atonement and put it on that chicken, and then that chicken is slaughtered and brought to poor people, or people can eat it and they give the amount of that value to poor people, so they can eat the actual chicken, like your brother-in-law did, and they can then give that money to charity. This is an ancient custom. It's not an obligation. There's no mandate in the Torah to do so, to do this kaparos, but many people prefer using money. So you take money and you use that money. You say that, instead of me having to suffer for the atonement of my sins, let the money that I'm using here for charity be an atonement for me, because it says tzedakah tatzim ha-maves, that charity will protect us from death. So take this money.

19:43
Doing this good deed of charity should be an atonement for any of my sins, and that money should be given to charity. We discussed it here in our class. We talked about giving money to the Tom Cheshabas Houston's food pantry for poor families, and you can give it to any charity that you'd like that assists with the Jewish cause. All right, so I hope that question answered. I don't know about the heart. I have to get back to you about that. All right, next question.

20:13 - Mia Malka (Caller)
Is there a permissible way to get rid of a cockroach on Shabbos?

20:16 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Well, yes, there is. You can put it on a dustpan and throw it outside. So a cockroach on Shabbos? Right, you can throw it outside. I know that there are many people who put it into a toilet and flush it, and that way let it be with the other cockroaches out in the underworld of the sewer system. I don't know that it would. I don't know that it dies in that process, but we definitely should be careful about it. I can't imagine that. I do remember. Let's do this.

20:48
I remember when the West Nile virus was rampant with mosquitoes, one of the local rabbis in Houston said that you can kill mosquitoes on Shabbos because it was a danger. It was a danger to be stung by one of those, to be bitten by one of those mosquitoes. I don't know that that's the case with cockroaches. It's just disgusting and nobody really likes them nearby. So it's a different issue. Now, considering the screech that my daughter gave yesterday, it might be a life condition, a life situation, but I'm not kidding. I thought someone was like I don't know, like I was afraid for the way she yelled, but it was quite concerning. But yeah, it's, we're not supposed to kill animals on Shabbos. I don't think it'd be a problem to flush it or to throw it outside. That's correct.

21:46
And, by the way, it's very interesting that during COVID, when everyone was talking about wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands, we do that Like, literally, the halacha says. The halacha says to wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands. We do that Like, literally, the halacha says. The halacha says to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, before you eat food, like everything, and before you pray. Like there's a I wouldn't say an OCD, but an obsession with washing our hands, because it's not just a random thing. Oh, it happens to be that it coincides with Jewish practice.

22:16
No, no, no, the rabbis understood the dangers of germs. The rabbis understood all of this and instituted the washing of the hands. So continue, please. I'm sorry. So I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. I really don't, and I don't know if the water that we drink is the safest water. I'm sorry, I don't know that the water that's provided in our faucets are the cleanest. You know, again, every person should do their own research and make sure that they're not endangering themselves and their family by having water that's not clean. I know they have all of these different reverse osmosis filtration, whether it's for the house or whether it's for a single faucet in the house. I know that we have a filtered water station in our house and, again, we try to do everything we can to ensure the cleanest water and I hope that our cities and local and federal governments do their job to ensure that.

23:11 - Gary N. (Caller)
That's why the question it's not intended to be a trap question, but it's intended to be a serious question as to the cleanliness of the water that is used for cooking, in the preparation of the meat, the cleansing of the meat If you're using contaminated water.

23:28 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Then it's not going to serve its purpose. Yeah, all right. Good question Again. I don't know. I don't know what they're doing. I would like to believe that they're ensuring that the water is clean, because that would be counter to the whole. Purpose here is to make sure that we're eating clean food. I do remember, though, that when New York City had an issue that they found these micro, micro little bugs that were in the water and it was a big halacha question, like if you put the water through a net, like with really really fine little you know, they would find these little little microbes, creatures and that's not something you know under under a microscope, you'd be able to see it. You wouldn't be visible to the eyes, um, to the naked eye. Either way, it's something that we do need to be concerned for and something that we need to look out for, to ensure that everything we put into our body is safe and proper and what God wants us to be doing. All right, any other questions?

24:29 - Ed S. (Caller)
He says yes, a chicken heart can be costured, but it requires special preparation due to the large amount of blood it contains. The halakic authorities explain that the heart functions as a container for blood, so it cannot be costured by salting alone without first being cut open. The heart must first be cut open lengthwise with a knife, deeply enough to reach all chambers of the heart. Some customs call for also cutting the internal sinews or tubes to ensure no blood remains trapped inside it. After cutting, the heart should be rinsed thoroughly in cold water.

25:01 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
This is the heart of a chicken.

25:02 - Ed S. (Caller)
for those of you, To remove visible blood before salting. Once washed and opened, the heart can be salted like other pieces of meat. Cover it completely with kosher salt, place it in a rack or perforated utensil and leave it for about one hour so the blood can drain out. Then rinse it three times to remove the salt and expel blood.

25:21 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
This is exactly what we learned today, right yeah, very good Okay.

25:25 - Ed S. (Caller)
Then it goes to a lot of other things. Yeah, so there we go.

25:27 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So we got the answer right there. Thank you, Perplexity.

25:31 - Marc S. (Caller)
Did you know much about non-kosher meat? I know a lot about it.

25:36 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I don't need it, so I know that it's not what Hashem wants me to be doing or any Jewish person to be doing. And therefore I never took further interest in non-kosher meat or chicken.

25:55 - Marc S. (Caller)
Do you want to?

25:55 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
try it. You give your best stab at it. Well, it's not. If it's not kosher, they're probably not going through the same process we're going through to ensure it's. It's a laborious process, it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of meticulous uh diligent toil to ensure that it's done properly. So, again, again, whether it be the caring for the animal, by the way, there are you can see these videos online there are many people who are eating meat that's non-kosher, that have been shot or they've been zapped with, electrocuted or all these different types of methods, and that causes terrible tense, like even that one second of the animal, and that locks the meat and makes it tougher and is not good for us. It's not what Hashem wants. Hashem wants us to have the greatest, healthiest food and therefore, the laws that the Torah prescribes for us in how we should have kosher food and how it should be prepared and how it should be salted and soaked everything needs to be done according to the laws of the Torah.

27:06 - Carlos C. (Caller)
The Rabbi said last time, there's different type of happiness and the Torah says Hashem says that we have to be happy, like it or not. Even the G-d says that one of the hardest mitzvahs.

27:30 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
One of the warnings that we have in Deuteronomy is if we serve God without joy, without happiness, so, having this in mind, what should my approach be?

27:42 - Carlos C. (Caller)
on I believe Yevamot 62b, that a man without a wife is a man without happiness, without blessing and without Torah Right.

27:53 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yeah, that's true, so that's correct.

27:55
That's what the that's true, so that's correct. That's what the Talmud says. That means, like this what is happiness? Where does happiness come from? And it's very. Yes, there are some people out there in the world who will say, oh, the happiest because I'm no longer married. I've heard people say this they got divorced, or whatever. Now I'm the happiest man because I'm free, married. I've heard people say this they got divorced, or whatever. Now I'm the happiest man because I'm free. They're missing out. It's counterfeit joy, it's counterfeit happiness.

28:21
Happiness is not when you run away from dealing and solving problems. Happiness comes when you solve problems. Happiness comes when you learn to overcome challenges. Happiness comes it's a process of elevating ourselves to become the greatest person we can become, to run away from problems and say now I'm happy. No, you're avoiding the problem. You're avoiding and it's not. Marriage is not a problem, by the way. Marriage is always going to be a challenge because you have two different people with two different ideas, with two different concepts, with two different sets of biology, who are coming together under one roof right and building a home together. Hopefully, it's going to be very, very. It's going to be very difficult, it's going to be challenging, but the success in doing that properly, in building a home that's harmonious and joyous, is the greatest joy in the world, the greatest happiness in the world, and there's nothing more invigorating and empowering than seeing a couple that are in love with one another because they overcome those challenges and they've learned to respect each other and they've learned to focus on the good.

29:28
So the Torah says many different things. We'll get to that Talmud, actually, in our Thinking Talmudist podcast. We'll get to that Gemara Nehemiah, which talks about that one who's not married is living without all of these other. The result of it is that there's a lot of yeah. How can someone fulfill the Torah, where the Torah says that a person should be giving when they're not in a marriage?

29:50
In a relationship of marriage, the absolute essence of a marriage means that you're a giver, and if a person's on a relationship of marriage, they're not giving. If a person is not overcoming those challenges, they're never going to experience joy and happiness. So, yeah, so in essence, by not being in a relationship of marriage, a person is limited in how much happiness. Yeah, it's nice to buy a new car, but that's not happiness. It's nice to go on a nice vacation, but that's not happiness. Happiness is when it's a lifelong pursuit, together with your significant other, you understand. So we'll get into it more. We'll talk about it more in our Thinking Talmudist podcast, but it's an excellent question to ensure that every aspect of our life is elevating ourselves to the highest level that we can accomplish, not running away from problems, not running away from our issues. Gary, you had a question, a follow-up. Great question, thank you. Well, it's an amazing thing we have in our Torah.

30:55
In Halacha, it says that a person should recite 100 blessings a day. 100 blessings a day. Imagine if you told your significant other, your wife, that you love them 100 times a day. There would be so much joy in that home because you're constantly expressing your affection and your love so many times. That would be on average. If we're awake for 16 hours a day or 18 hours a day, it would be on average every seven minutes. Another reminder I love you, I love you, I love you. What we're doing when we give thanks to Hashem a hundred times a day is that it's never stopping. We can't become numb to the gifts that Hashem is giving us. Hashem gives us ear to breathe, say thank you, hashem gives you the ability to go to the restroom. We say thank you, hashem gives you food to eat. You say thank you Before. After all, of these things are not. We shouldn't take it for granted, like yeah, it's like, oh, I forgot to recite a blessing. I forgot to express my love for the Almighty.

31:56
The Talmud says that someone who eats without a blessing, someone who enjoys from this world without a blessing, is like a thief. Where did I steal from? Right? We've discussed this many times. You didn't steal from God. He gave it to you. He gave it to you. God gave it to you. He gave you money from your life, you know from your job, and you paid your taxes and you bought your apple, and now you eat your apple, but you didn't recite a blessing. You stole. Who did you steal from? You stole from yourself. You stole from yourself the opportunity. Of course you stole from God, right, but I'm not contradicting the Talmud but you stole from yourself the opportunity to feel closeness with God. You stole from yourself the opportunity to feel joy from that. If we take it for granted, we don't appreciate what we have. We're stealing from ourselves.

32:42
So the problem today this is very, very relevant to our current generation, where you have children who are growing up with how many MacBooks and how many iPhones and how many you know, all of these luxuries that previous generations can only have dreamt of, and the kids are miserable. And the kids are on Prozac and all other antidepressants. Why? Why are they? I'll tell you why Because they're not grateful, because they're not saying thank you 100 times a day. They're not realizing that it's a gift from the Almighty.

33:14
And I would highly recommend that parents don't give your kids everything that's out there. They should be a process for them to earn whatever it is that they have, whatever it is that they get. That doesn't mean that you should limit them with clothing, right. But it doesn't either mean that you should buy them everything that's out there, every fashionable item, right. There should be something that is an accomplishment that now. Now you can go buy that sweatshirt, your 20th sweatshirt, or your newest iPhone, because it's, you know, the other one is like, outdated by a week.

33:52
So we have to understand that by just showering our children and I speak to many parents and it's devastating to see parents when they come and they talk about why is my child miserable? My child doesn't want to talk to me. Child doesn't want this and I try to give them everything. Oh, that's the answer. That's the answer. Why do you give them everything? Everything? Oh, that's the answer. That's the answer. Why do you give them everything? It's a big mistake. I think it's a huge mistake because then there's also sometimes a problem, a casualty of no accountability, because the parents are like no, this is the standard, our family, this is what we're going to live by.

34:27
There's an individual, a good friend of mine, and his son was intoxicated and he crashed his car not far from here and he crashed his brand new car into a light pole. Four in the morning the son crashed the car, his own car, the child, the son's car. His son was about 20 years old and I asked him so what are you gonna do now? He says oh well, I just went this morning to to buy him another car, like you're feeding, like common sense says like no, no, no, he should learn. No, he's going to do it again. He's going to do it again if there's no consequence, if there's no right.

35:04
No, he said my children, I can't let my son, you know, not have a car. I can't let my son not drive with a nice car. I can't let. You're not giving your child. You're stealing from your child the opportunity for them to be happy. You're stealing from your child the opportunity for them to be responsible and for them to be grateful. It's really, really painful sometimes to see these situations. Either way, my dear friends, this concludes episode 21 of the Ask Away series on the Everyday Judaism podcast. Yes, yes, take the microphone. One follow-up. There we go.

35:42 - Marc S. (Caller)
That was sort of a mind-bending concept and I also like to remember like I kind of tie that to the whole idea of being like a belt to Shuvah and you're saying, being grateful, you know you're. If you're not grateful, you're stealing from god in yourself and being about teshuva. I consider myself about teshuva, or not necessarily the bell, but somebody that is trying to master teshuva you. I have to be sorry to myself and we need to be sorry to ourselves to not maximize this opportunity that God gives us to be alive today.

36:22 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
So I'll tell you. It's a very interesting thing, that about Shuvah. You know there was a story told about a man who was on his deathbed, who had been about Shuvah for many years, became very, very righteous and holy and it became one of the great Hasidic masters. Came to him. He knew he was on his deathbed, so he said to him I see you're in pain. You're probably in pain from everything that you've done before you became a Baal Tshuva, like it might like maybe you're. He says no, he says I wear that as a badge of honor, meaning not that he did a sin previously, but that made me who I am. And we have to realize that. You can't, mark, you can't say, oh, I'm going to forget about my past and my past is the past. You have to use your past to be your future. That's what made you who you are. Okay, it's part of your process. And you know what?

37:15
There are people who have had abusive relationships. There are people who have had abusive households, where their parents were abusive or they had siblings who were abusive, they had spouses who were abusive and they're like, just don't want to erase everything. The person who made you who you are today, okay. The people who may have made you and you know what. It's not always pleasant and it doesn't mean we're going to hug them and kiss them. It doesn't mean that we're going to go over to them and say thank you. And sometimes I know people who want to dance on their parents' graves. They can't wait for them to die. They can't wait because they've been so abusive and so terrible to them.

37:50
But still it can't come without a recognition and an appreciation that still they brought you to who you are today, notwithstanding the challenges that you may have faced and the trauma that you may have experienced. Still you became who you are through that process and we have to acknowledge that and appreciate that. We have to acknowledge that and appreciate that. We have to appreciate that. So we're not a people that run away from our past and like, yes, it doesn't mean we live with that trauma. We have to take care of it and I recommend, if anybody needs to speak something out, find a good therapist that you can talk to and work through those issues.

38:31
It's not good to live with pain. It's not good to live with that trauma. It's not good to live with that. Clear it out, but don't resent your previous life. Don't resent your previous life. It's part of who you are. You're not going to be able to erase it. You're not going to be able to erase it. It doesn't need to affect your future, but definitely it is what made you who you are. Gary, you had a follow-up here.

38:59 - Gary N. (Caller)
One second. Get the mic To the comment of telling your wife you love her 100 times a day. I think that if I got up to three I would get this sideways. Look with a hand going on the hip. Two questions what have you done wrong and what do you want?

39:17 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Yeah. So you know what Our relationship should be, beyond motive, right, it should be beyond. You know what it's like flowers buying your wife. Flowers shouldn't be because you did something wrong. It should be an expression of love and overwhelming an abundance of joy and appreciation for the cherishing of that relationship. I will just say in conclusion here of this topic, is that our responsibility, your responsibility, being an adult over 18 years old, the Mishnah tells us 18 years to the canopy, meaning once you're 18 years old, it's time to pursue marriage. Don't compromise. Don't compromise. Find the right mate.

40:03
Now I will tell you if a relationship at any specific time is not serving what you want it to serve, manifest it Means if you're saying the relationship isn't as loving as it used to be. So make it loving, go out and pursue it in your relationship. You know someone said you know, even though I got married, I still continue dating with my wife. Right, you understand it. Just, you know the same things that made you fall in love should continue to. Now it's going to change. You'll have children, you get older, things change, yes, you get busy, you have this, you have that, you have a lot of things going on, but still, romance shouldn't be something that, oh, when we were young we would have a romantic relationship and candlelit dinners, but now we're too busy for that. No, You've got to keep the relationship. Keep it and constantly nurture that relationship, but don't compromise. Go out and pursue a spouse, a loving relationship that will help you have a magnificent life together. Have common goals. We spoke about this a lot in other episodes about what to look for and how to look for a good spouse. My brother, I think, has a podcast the Five Cs of a Great Relationship about the communication, common interests, et cetera, et cetera. But there's so much more to life than just being alone in our own home.

41:35
When you're in your own house, you know exactly where everything is placed or misplaced, you know exactly where things are, and when you're in a relationship, you know the drawers don't close themselves and the doors don't close themselves and all of those things. You learn to become a better person. You learn to become a person who's thoughtful of another person and when you have children, being thoughtful of them and putting them first and giving to them. If you have only one cookie left, it's going to be for me or for my child. I want to feed my child Make sure my child has. I can deal with it, I'll figure it out. But you understand that you learn to be selfless and a person cannot do that just by volunteering for an organization. When it's convenient for me. When it's convenient for me, I'll be convenient for me. When it's convenient for me, I'll be able to donate. When it's convenient for me, I'll volunteer sometime. There's no convenience time in marriage. It's 24-7. You're locked in a relationship of giving and that's what makes us great people, where we become God-like.

42:36
Sages teach us that the relationship between man and God is paralleled with the relationship of man and his wife. Why? Because we have to learn how to always be giving. We have to learn how to be God-like. God is giving even when we don't do the right thing, even when we sin. God doesn't say, okay, turning off the oxygen lever. God doesn't say that. No, he continues to give. You know what You're upset at your wife, at your child. It doesn't mean you stop giving and you stop loving and you stop nurturing. You continue. It's very important.

43:08
There's so much to talk about this. We should dedicate a whole question and answer series on the topic of marriage and relationships. It's one of my favorite topics because I love my life, I love my married life, I love my family life and I'm so fortunate. So, my dear friends, I'll be happy to do a class. I did a whole series in Hebrew for men. I think men need a lot more work in marriage than women do. Women are created for marriage. Men are very not. And men are born with more of a selfish inclination and that's damaging to marriage, to be selfish, very, very damaging. And if a man learns to be giving, it doesn't mean that he's giving to his friends and, oh, he's always a nice guy. Giving begins at home, kindness begins at home, and it's great for you to volunteer and help everybody else out in the community if you don't help out at home. I'll just share with you one quick, quick, quick story. It's one of my favorite stories. Rav Moshe Scherer I believe it was Rav Moshe Scherer, who was the head of the Agudas Yisrael of America was invited to the White House to speak in front of one of the presidents I believe it was John F Kennedy who invited spiritual leaders of all the different religions to come speak here.

44:28
I don't know what they were talking about exactly, but each one came and gave a presentation. He took his train ride down and he gets to the White House and he gives his presentation and, of course, it's an amazing honor and a great privilege to be in the White House and to present in front of the president. And then the president spoke. After all of these dignified spiritual leaders spoke, he gave the final remarks, the president, and he quoted Rabbi Scherer. He said what he said and he was like oh, he's like on top of the moon. He said what he said. Then he was like, oh, he's like on top of the moon.

45:04
As soon as he's done, he gets back on the train, heads back to New York and he's so excited to tell his wife and family this is the 60s, right, he's so excited to tell his wife and family about this unbelievable honor that the president quoted him. And this is like such a great thing. As he opens the door into the house, his wife says oh, maish Maishalah, you're home. Can you quickly take out the garbage? Right, we can't forget who we are. And it puts us right back into our place. It puts us right into our reality, right, yeah, you can be all high up in the whole world. And everyone's like saying wow, wow, wow, you're still a father, you're still a husband, you still have duties and responsibilities at home and it doesn't make. Just because you're helping the entire world doesn't mean that you know kindness doesn't begin at home.

45:46
I'll tell you one other quick story, if you want. I heard this from him himself. I was in the room with him, senator Lieberman of blessed memory, joseph Lieberman so when he was, when he was running for vice president for Al Gore in the 2000 election. And the next day after they lost the election I think it was after they had the dimple chads, you remember, with those things it was Supreme Court ruling of Florida, it was a whole thing whether or not who was going to win. And the next morning he's sitting out there on his porch in Connecticut and his wife comes out. He's a little bit disappointed that they lost the election. And his wife comes out and says to him Joseph or Joe, in this house you'll always be vice president. I think it's important for us to remember our place.

46:38
My dear friends, have a magnificent week. Thank you so much and thank you for your questions. Don't forget if you're online and listening to this in a podcast or watching this in a video, you can have your questions addressed in this series as well. Just email askaway at torchweborg. Askaway at torchweborg. Thank you and have a magnificent week. And don't forget, drive safely. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening and participating. I'm honored to be learning together with all y'all. Have an amazing week.

47:11 - Intro (Announcement)
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