Everyday Judaism · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:01 - Intro (Announcement)
You are listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Living Jewishly podcast.

00:09 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
I would like to open the floor to your magnificent, beautiful questions. Okay, so let's go back to what. There's no halacha that says that it is prohibited to do so. There is a. The Talmud says that someone who eats in public is like a dog. A dog eats in public has no self-dignity, is compared to a dog. It doesn't mean that they're a dog. No one's calling them a dog, no one's saying that.

00:37
You're Now funny, because my children know that I'm very, very, very conscientious about this. And, like Costco, you walk around the aisles in Costco and they have all the end caps. They have someone try a chocolate, try some potato chips, try an orange juice. So my children, I give it to them. No problem For me, I don't touch it. Maybe sometimes I'll take it, I'll put it in the wagon and if it doesn't fall out of that little thing until I get to the car, then I'll have it when I'm in the car. That's a private place, it's a private domain. But the halacha does not say that you're forbidden from doing so. It's just undignified.

01:16
Someone who's dignified shouldn't eat in public. That doesn't mean that someone who does is a dog. It's again, it's a sensitivity that the Torah teaches us to be a little bit more elevated and uplifted than a dog. A dog eats wherever they want you give them, you throw them some food, they'll eat it. It's like I always try to draw this picture in the class about this.

01:39
Imagine you go to a black tie affair. Black tie, everyone's dressed in a tuxedo. You sold tuxedos, right? Everyone's wearing a tuxedo. Really beautiful, it's amazing. It's a ball. It's amazing.

01:52
The dog is barking, so like dog is making a mess here. They could throw the dog a bone. The dog starts, he's attacking that bone and he's eating it, right? Does he care that everyone's in a black tie and a vent? Does he care? He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He has no dignity. He has nothing to. Oh guys, look at me, I'm all dressed fine, prim and proper. He doesn't care. We can't be like that. We're representatives of the Almighty, we carry Hashem's name on us and therefore it's a subtle but important identification that a person on themselves should have. I'm more dignified than that. Now, that doesn't give us right to point fingers at somebody else and say look at them, garbage, garbage, human being. Look at them. They eat in public. No, god forbid. He's very careful in what. No, god forbid. It's very careful what is placed in halacha. Halacha does not say it's forbidden.

02:53
The Talmud talks about it being an extra sensitivity, right, so that's a place where people eat. You can eat in a restaurant. That's where people eat. Even the food court in a mall, that's where people eat, so that's. I don't see a problem with someone eating there. I don't see a problem with someone eating there. You're in the food court, that's where people eat. So that's acceptable. But you know, I'm sure I'm going to say I'm going to, I'm going to say this If you heard it before, you'll, you'll, you'll be reminded by it, but if not, you'll for sure remember somebody doing this.

03:22
You see this guy walking in the mall eating his pizza like this. You ever saw that? You saw that he's eating his pizza like that? You're like it's just undignified. That's not the way human beings eat. You eat properly.

03:37
My wife was just saying how her grandfather, who was a German Jew he would poke anybody who would have their elbows on the table with a fork. You don't even put your elbow on the table. There was a proper dignity to how you sit by a table. Today people don't have dignity. People walk around like they're going to the beach when they're going to the store. You go to HEB. You're lucky if everyone's wearing clothes. It's like they think that they're at the beach. Nobody wears shoes anymore. People used to shower, shave, get a haircut before they went on a flight. They'd dress up in their finest attire. There was a dignity. Today, you're lucky if they're wearing clothes. Exactly half the flight is in pajamas. That's right. Right. It's just because people, it's a different world and it's because people don't respect themselves. People don't respect themselves. Not that they don't respect everybody else For other people maybe they would do it but they don't respect themselves. How do you expect them to have the proper dignity for others? All right, no, no, no, no. Any halachic question, any question that comes up throughout the week, write it down and bring it here, because we want to deal with those questions and have just an open forum for any question after class.

04:49
Yes, anybody can read the Haftorah. So Haftorah can be read by the person who's called up for the maftir, or it could be read by the reader. It could be read by a bar mitzvah boy. It could be read by whoever it is, as long as the person who got the maftir, the last aliyah, recites the blessing, the blessing before and the blessing after, but doesn't have to read it, right? That's sometimes the reason it used to be. So I'll just tell you. Back in the German communities they would give you a card informing you that you're getting the aliyah next week. For the third aliyah, for the fourth aliyah, for the fifth aliyah, they would give you the card so you can be prepared for it.

05:35
Now it used to also be in different congregations where the person who recited the blessing would actually read from the Torah. In the Sephardic communities, for example, if you got the Aliyah, you read from the Torah. Now, the reason we don't do that today is precisely for what you said. Because what's if someone doesn't know how to read? You don't want to embarrass them, which is why in many congregations very beautiful custom in Judaism, okay, in many congregations the bar mitzvah boy does not read from the Torah. Why? One kid is great, he's talented, he worked hard, he does it. One kid can't. He's going to be embarrassed, he's going to feel hurt on his bar mitzvah that he can't read from the Torah properly like his friend does. Therefore, in many congregations they don't allow the boy to read more than one section, either the first or the last, or the first and last, but not the whole thing, so that his friends shouldn't be embarrassed that they can't do it as well as he can, okay, or at all. That's one.

06:36
There's another custom A chatan, a groom. There's a custom that the groom says an idea of Torah, torah thoughts when he gets married. It says there's a universal custom you don't let the chatan, the groom, say his Dvar Torah. There's a custom that he's supposed to say it and the custom is that you sing him down, you don't let him finish his words. Oh, you're confused. Good, let me tell you why.

07:07
Here's, here's the new groom. He just got married. He has his beautiful bride sitting next to him and everyone is singing him up. He, he, he, oh, say something. He stands up and he doesn't know what to say, poor guy. So they sing him down. They sing him down to. It's like okay, nobody's giving me a choice, they're not letting me. He sits down. His wife is like wow, you wanted to say something. Really, he had nothing to say. He had nothing to say, right, right. So what we do is we sing him down. We don't let if the groom is a big Torah scholar and he really, really wants to share. So he'll say guys, guys, okay, I just want to say something, I just want to quiet down and he'll say something quickly. But like this there's a universal.

07:49
It's accepted that you don't want to embarrass the, especially in front of his bride, his new bride. She has to know that he doesn't know as much Torah and he can't put together, string together an idea, or he's nervous. It can also happen many times. He could be a great Torah scholar, but he's nervous. He's not a public speaker. So look at the sensitivity. We sing him down always. We always sing him down.

08:13
I've never been to a celebration of a bride and groom where the groom gets up and they let him speak. They always sing them down. Now my grandfather told me when I got engaged. He says now it's time to prepare 24 ideas to speak. Why? Because you have Sheva Brachot seven days and you have three meals a day. That's 20, and then you have on Shabbat, you have an extra one and then you have for the engagement and for the you got to get ready prepare 24 ideas. So I didn't prepare 24, I prepared about five or 10, you know. But they always have one ready to go. So but again, you have to understand that there's a great sensitivity that comes along with it to ensure what if someone doesn't know what to say? Someone doesn't have to, they don't have what to say. I'll tell you, I was once very embarrassed.

09:01
I came to someone's house for Shabbos. I was a young yeshiva boy. My friend said to me come with me, we're going to this, it's going to be fun, come with me for Shabbos. I went with him for Shabbos to somebody's house. I had no idea who the person was. And the person starts going around the table demanding. He says listen, you don't have to pay for the meal. Obviously, you're our guest, but you have to pay with the Dvar Torah and the Parsha. I didn't come prepared for that. Nobody told me that I have to come. What I'm making up for it now, right, every week I'm saying another thing. Right, it's like episode number 120 is being released tomorrow morning. But the pressure and I was like. He came to me and I'm like I didn't come prepared and he's like with a face of disgust, low life, right, he's like. But the truth is, with the right sensitivity, he would have not done that.

09:50
But I try to be very, very careful. Never, ever, put someone on the spot where they have to potentially be very uncomfortable or embarrassed. They don't have what to say. Very important, yes, no, there's no law prohibiting women from reading the torah. Yeah, we have to understand that. All of the laws regarding women in public roles is laws of modesty. Just ask any man and you'll understand. Women don't understand it. Like, what's the problem? Ask a man and the man will tell you oh, we want the women to go up, no problem. The men would love to gaze and to look at the women, but that's immodest. So a woman in a public figure could potentially be very immodest. Now, a woman carries herself with self-dignity, with modesty. That's a different story, but that's not always the case.

10:51
I've had students who have gone to different congregations and I encourage my students don't come to my synagogue, go around, go see other synagogues, go take a look and make your choice yourself. One guy came to me. He says don't ever do that to me again. He went to a synagogue and he sees a husband and wife holding each other in a very suggestive way, sitting next to each other. It's very nice that they love each other in a very festive way, sitting next to each other. It's very nice that they love each other, but synagogue is not the place to start filling each other up and to touch each other in places that shouldn't be touched in synagogue. So you understand that that could happen. I love my wife. She's sitting right next to me. Why don't they give her a hug? Not the place, you understand that.

11:36
That's why the separation between the men and women. Women don't understand. They're like that's so offensive. Why do I have to be away from my husband? A man understands. You ask a man why we have a mechitza, why we have a separation between men and women. They're like, yeah, of course I'd be looking at the women all the time. Right, that's a very men understand the distraction. Women don't. Women are insulted and offended by it. Any men that will disagree here. Any men disagree. Okay, this is the reality of life. So the halacha is very pragmatic. The halacha is not being offensive at all. We see the sensitivity that we have. Women in a public place, in a public position will be a huge distraction and the Torah doesn't want that.

12:22
So if a women's minion together which there are shuls that have that women's together they can take out the Torah and they can read from the Torah. Any mitzvah which is time-bound women are not obligated to. It's not a time-bound mitzvah, it's a 24-7 mitzvah for one to read from the Torah. But they don't have to read from a Torah scroll, they can read from a Torah book as well and you see that that mitzvah is fulfilled in every aspect. Now, in a traditional Orthodox shul, women are not called to the Torah in front of men. Orthodox shul, women are not called to the Torah in front of men. There are Orthodox shuls that have a women's only minion that the women want to be called up to the Torah. They want to recite the blessing on the Torah. That's their prerogative. They could do that. It's not very common, but if that's what will make a woman feel good, go ahead. Yes, that's correct. So if the Torah? Yeah. So if someone is called to the Torah, they need to read from the Torah, not from a book that's on the side of it.

13:26
Many times the person reading from the Torah is using a what's called a tikkun, which is the tikkun is. We don't have one here. We should probably get one which is all Tikkun is. We don't have one here. We should probably get one which is all of the Torah written as if it's in a scroll, to help someone who's practicing get used to it. So they're getting used to reading from a Torah scroll, even though it's not an actual Torah scroll. It's an actual book, but it looks like the script, the Asherit script font type that's written in the Torah, which could be confusing the first time you look at it because it's written differently than it does in regular font. So but the words I remember.

14:07
There was a guy who would read in a shul that would close his eyes when he was reading. It's forbidding, not allowed to do that. I brought it to his attention. He memorized everything and would read it by heart, so he wouldn't even be looking at the Torah scroll. He'd be looking away and he'd be looking here, looking there, closing his eyes and reading it perfectly, but not from the Torah scroll. And that's forbidden, not allowed to do that. You have to be reading it from the Torah scroll, not from a book, not from memory. That's an excellent question. Yes, the cantillation is not in the Torah, it's not. That's why they have that practice book. That's why every single balkore. It is a challenge. It is a challenge. It is part of the gift of having a good Torah reader, someone who can read from the Torah and knows the cantillations, knows the proper tune that is required when reading the Torah. It's not an easy task, yeah. So every synagogue makes sure that there's one person who is the Torah reader for the congregation and you make sure. Sometimes it's the rabbi, not the rabbi's job, but it's the rabbi's job to make sure that the congregation is served. So they will either hire someone or they will have someone in the congregation who is familiar with it to do it.

15:30
I remember I had a friend in school. I remember in eighth grade we all were bar mitzvah seventh and eighth grade and he really learned how to be a Torah reader and he was paid, I remember, a lot of money, like $50 per shul. He would go to four shuls to read the Torah in four different shuls every Shabbos. That's 200 bucks a Shabbos. That's pretty solid. This is back in 1991,. Okay Right, chagas, that's pretty solid. This is back in 1991. Okay Right, that's pretty solid for an eighth grade boy. He'd go. It would be a long walk, it'd be a lot of work, right as using his voice a lot. But he he knew his stuff well and he would go from shul to shul and read the entire Parsha in each of the shuls and then head back home and you know they'd pay him. They'd pay him. It's a very, very handsome weekend gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:23
So I'll tell you every Torah portion is read every single year. Okay, we read the entire Torah every single year, but there are some Torah portions that are combined in certain years and those are longer. For example, behar, parshas, behar and Bechukosai. So some years they're separate and some years they're together. Achrimos and Kedoshim right, sometimes they're separate, sometimes they're together, but they're read every single year. But not Vayakel Pekudei. They're both very long portions. Sometimes they're separate, mostly separate. Sometimes they're together and it's a very long Torah reading combined. It's not common that they're combined. It's usually a leap year or one of those. But yeah, that's a very so.

17:12
I'm not a reader from the Torah, but I can make believe I am, so I do. When there's nobody there to do it, I'll volunteer to do it. It's like anybody read from the Torah Nobody, nobody. Okay, I'll do it. I can get away with it usually, because the most important thing is to say the words properly, sound at the cantillations and then if you get a little cantillation in there, so you get it in as much as you can. You do the best you can, but it's worst case scenario if you just read the words without any tune. You still fulfill the mitzvah of reading from the Torah.

17:47
All right, any other questions? There are 10-year-olds? Yeah, there are 10-year-olds. Yeah, there are 10-year-olds. Yeah, there are 10-year-olds. Yeah, even a child can read from the Torah. Some children are very talented. I was not that 10-year-old, I'll just tell you that. Yeah, the son of the rabbi, yeah, that happens, that happens. Some kids are very talented that can do it. You have to pick up on it, you have to really get it. And so, kids who get it. It's amazing to see it, amazing, amazing to see it. All right, my dear friends, have a magnificent week. Thank you so much and I look forward next week to conclude the rest of chapter 23. Sh'koach, thank you everybody.

18:31 - Intro (Announcement)
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